"Isn't it beautiful, our ability to wilt, yet not wither away? Our ability to bloom despite the absence of the sun? That's our god-given abilities. That's how I can never question my God's love for me." -wordsbyri
It is almost as if I will never stop being lost, quite just the same as if I will never stop being found. Life in these bones, in this skin, is experienced in quite a symphonic, passionate way. Life in these bones is experienced quite deeply; in emotions, in sentiments, in analytical pieces. Sometimes, too deep to the point where I become engulfed in the uncertainty and the unknown, absent from subtle realities. Other times, just enough to be discovered yet again. Here, in this soul, I am only trying to find myself in the places where I feel lost, and lose myself in the places where I feel found, so as to unearth myself in the soils of rebirth yet again.
This past month has been full of losing and finding myself. I have wilted and I have bloomed. I have wounded and I have healed. Even in the darkest moments, I have loved the process of learning myself better. I have enjoyed falling away from the cloudy skies in the form of rain, free and boundless, and falling into the earths of myself.
In the midst of being able to view the priceless beauty of Florence, I spent the past month revisiting myself and walking through the galleries of my soul. It was an emotional wave of experiencing myself in a different culture. Living in Italy for a month helped me to embrace my emotional range. It helped me to be content with the fact that I can be a blend of light and dark; a sunrise and a sunset. I had fallen away from myself, yet again, and my soul was doing its usual call for a return home. Every day definitely wasn’t easy, but each day I promised to dig a little deeper, even in the midst of my emotional despair. I promised that in this moment of being lost, I was going to find myself again. Each day, I awakened something within me. I welcomed the rain, understanding that it was a part of my journey of revival and the storms were only there to test the strength of my roots. My tree remained firm and unrooted. Undoubtedly, Florence helped to awaken the pieces in my soul that had taken to rest.
I learned to take comfort in the truth that I can be a sunrise and a sunset. It just depends on the day and the time and the hour. So much within me expected to only see the sunrises, but I had to learn the beauty of witnessing my sunsets as well. I had to stop shying away from my truths in the presence of my darkness, but rather yet, accept myself as whole. My pieces are my pieces; my anxiety, my overthinking, my sensitivity... they all have a place here within my being. I had to learn that I can accept them for what they are without giving them the power to control me. I am truly grateful for the time that I was able to take away overseas, and even more grateful for those who helped to make it happen. It was a trip of expanding my horizons and experiencing myself in a new light. It was a month of wilting and blooming, falling and rising. I got the revival I needed. Not only have I returned to my physical home back in the States, but I have returned home to myself, yet again, and oh what a beautiful feeling that is.
What makes your soul rise? What makes your soul set? It's important that we explore these different virtues of ourselves. Not only should we learn how to be a sunrise in the midst of our darkness, but we should also learn how to sit and watch our sunsets at times and acknowledge the beauty in even the wilting.
Love yall and glad to be home! Ciao!