"I lay my fears at this altar every morning, hoping God greet this offering with peace and with grace. For my body is not a temple meant for holding onto the dead weight of all my doubts and anxieties that try to level my faith into non-existence." -wordsbyri
I have been trying to blend my darkness with my light, accepting the truth that without one or the other, I cannot be whole. There are days when I find myself neglecting my first/third quarter moon, failing to realize that I can be half and half and still hold enough to be full.
Over the course of these past few months, I have had numerous battles within my soul. I have been distressed from feeling like I could not escape the cycle of rainy days. My emotional eruptions occurred frequently, and many times I denied them the tending they were calling for. I realized that in order for a sincere soul cleansing, I needed to shift my idea of what it meant to set myself free. I could not be bound to a prisoner's mindset in the midst of attempting to claim my freedom. I needed a revolution.
I had wasted too much time building my mind as a home for all of my doubts and insecurities. I had wasted too much time constructing my soul as a nest for my anxieties and fears, welcoming days vacant of ease and denying shelter to peace. In order for me to loosen these shackles, there was a lot of destruction that had to take place within me, and I truly believe that coming to live in a different country for a month highlighted exactly what areas I needed a revival in.
Living in Italy for these past couple of weeks has honestly been a ride thus far. Between getting accustomed to the culture here and trying to disconnect myself from what I am used to while making sure I keep in touch with loved ones back home, my emotions have experienced some new moon phases. I had the idea that my darkness would not follow me here, but I am glad that it did because I can now tend to it in a new way, in a way that may produce a healing that this darkness has never been exposed to before. I was too cradled in my fears, too accustomed to dealing with them all the same and forgetting that in order for me to nurture them into power, I had to tend to them daily. I could not expect my weaknesses to become strengths without the proper training.
I made the bold decision to step away from all that I knew, and in this time away from the States, I am discovering how deeply rooted my soul is in its strength. I am falling more in love with my resilient being every step of the way, and through these words I only hope to empower you to do the same.
1. Evaluate your soul. What do you categorize as your darkness? As your light?
2. Analyze how you function in both your darkness and light. Do you believe they, your strengths and your weaknesses, can coexist?
3. What doubts, fears, or insecurities inhabit your mind? How do you operate under them?
4. What steps will you take today in order to gain your freedom from the things that keep you bound?
5. How will you make an effort to live boundless every day?
Leave some answers in the comments! I'd love to hear your reply to these reflection question!
Ciao from Firenze!