Petals droop and drift away in mid-November a time, a place to unclothe this stem, get naked under grey skies and pray to the sun for the day we bloom again, our petals our thorns make love into completion, but first each flower must wither its own.
These wounds have bruised time and time again. These bones have dried in search of something sweeter than misery. The wilting has had it’s time to unclothe these branches. I thought I ought to have known the depths of my hurt, figured out a way to heal, and only now am I realizing how rooted in pain I have truly been. I’ve grown weary from pricking my fingers on thorns and from being a thorn. My soul yearns for the freshness of spring and the promise of growth that comes with it.
I have been trying to find a place to write from without applying too much pressure to these already burdened wounds. On a whim, I tend to tug and pull away from the reality of my distress and dismiss my pain, as if a remedy for holistic healing.
Slowly, I have been shedding these layers in hopes of reaching the eye of the storm. I have been hoping to find my calm, hoping to unravel this rage and settle into peace. I hear the melody of healing in the morning breeze. I feel the soil shifting below me, and inside I know that it is time to stop seeing myself as damaged and undeserving of freedom. It is time to loosen these shackles and take flight in the horizon. It is time for the weather to change. I am on a journey of uprooting everything sown in pain and fear.
When you get to that indistinct region between withering and blooming, between sunsets and sunrises, the steady earth beneath your feet is often replaced with discomposed ground. The faith you thought was unwavering is met with disturbance. Many of us are often unwelcoming of the vulnerability that comes with being stripped bare. Since the day Eve ate of the forbidden fruit, we haven’t been able to see the beauty in our nakedness. In our rawest form, we search for anything to shelter our bareness and pacify our troubles.
I myself often try to soften these tissues before showing people how I bleed, as if to suppress the way I hurt. Truth is, I’ve been bleeding from the inside out. I’ve acknowledged my hurt, but haven’t found the means of setting it free. I’ve carried on as if love cannot coexist with my wounds, and in turn, pity the belief that I am undeserving of the tender embrace my soul needs.
I have been reaching and reaching only to see grey sky above me and no sun promising to hold my hand. I find myself ungrounded, unrooted, all because I am afraid to hang my wounds out to dry. In the midst of my wilting, I often deny the fact that my petals have shriveled. I’ve grown used to covering my pain rather than giving it wings. To set my hurt free is to unbound my own. Forgiveness is essential to the journey.
I have been trying to be softer with myself as I uncover my scars and give them room to breathe. I have been trying to see God and believe that I am holy, though the devil continues to prance around my backyard. I have been trying to acquire strength through the gravity of my fragileness.
As I watched a petal drift from the bud of a rose, I digested the truth that this skin must shed in its time of wilting if at all it desires to bloom yet again. If I am an emotional nest, the wind will unravel this web to least confusion, and in sanity shall I understand the power, the weight of seasons. In reason shall I return to the basis of my being and learn to love myself in the thick of every season.
It’s important to be able realign with your soul after or in the midst of a period of wilting. Pain may not feel good, but there is nothing more joyous than the testimony in the overcoming.
What hurt are you dealing with in this season? What is drying out your bones?
What troubles do you need to set free? What or who do you need to forgive in order to move forward?
How do you view yourself in times of wilting? If you have a negative perception, how can you change it to understand this period as something meant to strengthen you?
What steps do you need to take to realign with your soul and prepare for the bloom?